Ruel’s Hard Sometimes, the deeply personal piano ballad from his 2019 Free Time EP, is a raw and shattering confession of loneliness, guilt, and dissociation. At its core, the song is a direct look into the dark side of his fast-rising fame. It is an honest admission that while his life on tour looked like a dream from the outside, he was internally struggling, feeling disconnected from himself, and grieving the normal life and friendships that were moving on without him. It is a song for anyone who has ever had to try to be happy when they felt like they were just a spectator in their own life.
A Song Born from Sincere Pain
To understand Hard Sometimes, you must first understand its context. This is not a song based on a hypothetical concept; it was born from Ruel’s real-life experiences on the road.
He has stated in interviews that the song was written in Paris. While he was in one of the most beautiful cities in the world, living a life many only dream of, he felt profoundly miserable and homesick.
The song’s key themes were sparked by a specific, modern form of pain: his phone. He vividly described scrolling through social media, seeing his friends back home in Sydney, Australia, living their normal teenage lives. He saw them at parties, sharing new inside jokes, and creating new memories.
This sparked a feeling of deep isolation. He was not only missing out, but he was also being replaced. The world he belonged to was learning to exist without him. Hard Sometimes is his attempt to process the guilt, sadness, and profound disconnection of that moment.
The Sound of the Struggle
It is crucial to note that this song is a stark piano ballad. It is not the upbeat, funky pop of Painkiller or Face to Face. The Free Time EP deliberately showcases two distinct sides of Ruel’s life, and this song is the emotional centerpiece of the side depicting his internal struggle.
The music is stripped-back, placing his raw, emotional vocals at the forefront. The gospel-tinged piano chords create a somber, confessional atmosphere. There is no complex production to hide behind. The sound of the song is its meaning: it is vulnerable, raw, and painfully honest.
In-Depth Analysis: The Fight to Be Present (Verse 1)
The song opens with a trio of actions. The narrator is not a passive victim; he is actively fighting against a heavy, invisible force.
Waking Up the Mind
The song begins with a struggle that is mental, not physical. The line I’m waking up my mind is a powerful description of fighting the mental fog of depression or the lethargy that comes with burnout.
This is not a gentle, natural awakening. It is a forced act of will. He is trying to jolt his mind into a state of presence, to connect with the world around him. He is trying to climb out of the hole he mentions later. This first line immediately establishes the theme of effort.
A Desperate Act Against Silence
He follows this by trying to kill the silence. This is a profound paradox. He is physically alone on the road, surrounded by the silence of an empty hotel room. But this silence is not peaceful; it is oppressively loud with his own anxious, lonely, and self-critical thoughts.
He wants to kill it. He wants to end the isolation. The silence is his enemy, as it is the space where the homesickness and the feeling of disconnection grow the loudest.
Forcing the Light In
The third act is the most visceral: I’m ripping off the blinds. This is not a gentle act. He is not merely opening them. He is ripping them.
This violent imagery conveys a deep frustration and desperation. He is forcing the light in. This is a perfect metaphor for his entire struggle. He is trying to force himself to see the good, to engage with the world (Paris) outside his window.
He is at war with his own desire to stay in the dark. He is trying to be happy, just as the chorus states. But the effort it takes is a ripping, violent motion, not a gentle, easy one.
The Central Conflict: The Phone and the Pain
The verse then states the problem plainly. He is on the road but missing home. This is the core conflict of his new life. His career and his personal life are in two different, warring locations.
The phone is the weapon that is hurting him. It is his only connection to home, but it has become a source of pain. It is a window that shows him exactly what he is losing.
The Fear of Irrelevance
The verse ends with the devastating realization: the world back there / Keeps spinning ’round without me. This is the ultimate, paralyzing fear of missing out.
It is not just that he is missing a few parties. It is that life itself is continuing. His friends are growing, changing, and forming new bonds. He is no longer a central part of that world.
He is frozen in time in a hotel room, while the world he loves is moving on. He is becoming a ghost in his own old life. This realization is the source of the profound sadness that drenches the entire song.
Chorus Deep Dive: The Anatomy of Dissociation
The chorus of Hard Sometimes is one of the most honest and accurate descriptions of dissociation and depression in modern pop music. It is a complete breakdown of his internal state.
A Validation of Effort
The song’s thesis is a quiet, heartbreaking admission: Oh I / Try to be happy, but it’s hard sometimes.
The most important word in this line is try. He is not passively wallowing in sadness. He is actively fighting for happiness. He is ripping off the blinds, he is waking up his mind. He is trying.
The song is his confession that, despite his best efforts, it is not working. It is hard sometimes. This phrase is a massive understatement, but it is this simplicity that makes it so relatable. It gives permission to anyone listening that it is okay to be trying and failing at the same time.
The Spectator of His Own Life
The song then describes the feeling of dissociation. But life / Just seems to happen right before my eyes.
He is no longer the main character in his own story. He is a spectator. He is sitting in the audience, watching his own life unfold as if it were a movie. He is on stage, on planes, in Paris, but he is not in the moment.
This is a classic symptom of burnout, depression, and anxiety. The mind, as a protective mechanism, checks out from a reality that is too overwhelming or painful.
The Feeling of Not Being There
He explains this feeling further. ‘Cause I feel like I’m not there. This is the literal feeling of depersonalization. He is physically present in a room, but he feels completely disconnected from his body and his surroundings.
This is why he can come off cold. He is not interacting with people because, in his own mind, he is not even in the room.
A Mind That Has Escaped
He tells us where he is: ‘Cause my head is up somewhere / Far away from all my friends.
His mind has escaped. It has fled his body and his location and has gone home. He is physically in Paris, but his head is in Sydney. He is mentally living in the world of his phone, in the memories of his past.
This creates an impossible split. He cannot enjoy Paris, because his mind is in Sydney. But he also cannot be in Sydney, because his body is in Paris. He is trapped in a non-existent in-between space, and it is a form of torture.
The One True Wish
His ultimate goal is simple. I just want that back again.
What is that? It is everything. It is the feeling of being present. It is the feeling of genuine, easy connection. It is the inside jokes. It is the feeling of being himself. It is the normalcy he has lost.
This one simple wish is the most tragic line in the song, because it is the one thing his new life, on the road, cannot give him.
In-Depth Analysis: The Guilt of the Hole (Verse 2)
The second verse is a heartbreaking apology. It is the moment he acknowledges how his internal struggle is impacting the people around him.
A Plea for Understanding
He begins by addressing his behavior. When I come off cold / I’m not doing it on purpose.
He is aware of how his dissociation looks from the outside. He knows he seems distant, arrogant, or cold. This line is a desperate plea for understanding, aimed at his band, his team, or even his fans.
He is trying to say, My coldness is not a reflection of how I feel about you. It is a symptom of how I feel about me.
The Vicious Cycle of Anxiety and Isolation
He then provides one of the song’s most brilliant lyrics: You caught me in a hole / That I dig for myself when I’m nervous.
This is a perfect description of the self-perpetuating cycle of anxiety and depression.
- The Trigger: He gets nervous. This is the anxiety of his high-pressure life, of being on, of social situations.
- The Reaction: As a defense mechanism, he digs a hole. He isolates himself. He pulls away. He becomes cold.
- The Result: He is now in a hole—a state of depression and loneliness.
He digs this hole to protect himself from the anxiety, but the hole is the depression. He is trapped in a cycle where his coping mechanism for anxiety (isolation) is the very thing that makes his depression worse.
The Knife-Twist of the Inside Jokes
He repeats his central conflict, but this time with a specific, gut-punching detail. He sees his friends got inside jokes without me.
This is the concrete proof that his fear from the first verse is true. The world keeps spinning is an abstract fear. Inside jokes is a specific, tangible reality.
An inside joke is the DNA of a friendship. It is a shared history and a marker of belonging. To know that new jokes are being created without him is to be told, in no uncertain terms, You are no longer part of this. This is the small detail that Ruel saw on his phone that represented the entire, massive loss of his normal life.
The Tragic Irony
He ends the verse with a desperate, quiet admission: Don’t mean to come off cold / I don’t want to be alone.
This highlights the tragic irony of his situation. The result of his actions (being alone in a hole) is the exact opposite of his core desire (to not be alone). His anxiety is forcing him into a state of loneliness that his heart is desperate to escape.
Bridge Deep Dive: The Guilt and the Pressure
The bridge is the song’s most direct confession. He strips away all metaphors and states his problem in the plainest terms possible.
The Loss of Self
I don’t feel like myself.
This is the climax of the dissociation theme. It is a pure statement of depersonalization. The pressure, the fame, the isolation—it has all conspired to make him lose his own identity.
He does not know who he is anymore. He is not the kid from Sydney and he is not comfortable being Ruel the star. He is a person who no longer recognizes himself, and that is a terrifying feeling.
The Crushing Guilt of Selfishness
He follows this with the song’s most important emotional beat: And I can’t help being selfish.
This is the guilt that Ruel spoke about in his interviews. He felt selfish because he was in Paris, living a life that millions would kill for, and he was miserable. He felt he had no right to be sad.
This is a common, toxic side effect of depression. It is the voice in your head that says, Your life is good, so your sadness is a choice. Your sadness is ungrateful. Your sadness is selfish.
He feels he is being a burden to his team by being cold. He feels he is being selfish by not enjoying his incredible opportunities. This guilt is a second, heavier blanket that smothers him on top of the sadness.
The Final Admission
The bridge ends by naming his antagonist: Sometimes, the pressure gets the best of me.
The pressure is everything. It is the pressure to perform. The pressure to be on 24/7. The pressure to be a good friend from 10,000 miles away. The pressure to write more hits. The pressure to be grateful and happy.
This pressure is the force that gets the best of me, that defeats his trying, that pushes him into the hole, and that makes it all hard sometimes.
Conclusion: A Universal Anthem for a Lonely Generation
Hard Sometimes is a masterpiece of vulnerability. It is a song that is not afraid to be quiet, sad, and uncomfortable. It is Ruel, at a young age, having the emotional intelligence to perfectly diagnose his own pain.
The song is a complete anatomy of modern, high-pressure loneliness. It explores the struggle to be present (Verse 1), the pain of dissociation (Chorus), the self-sabotaging cycles of anxiety (Verse 2), and the crushing guilt of feeling sad when you are supposed to be happy (Bridge).
It is a song that captures a universal feeling. In a world of social media, where everyone is curating a seemingly perfect life, Ruel’s track is a hand reaching out to anyone who feels like a spectator in their own life. It is an anthem that gives listeners permission to be trying and to find it hard sometimes, even when the blinds are open and the light is pouring in.