“Fake Friends” by The Vanns is an explosive and emotionally raw anthem that explores the chaotic intersection of dysfunctional relationships, self-doubt, and social superficiality. The song vividly paints a picture of being trapped in a connection that feels both intoxicatingly right and fundamentally wrong—an “accident” that has thrown the narrator’s life into question.
It’s a powerful expression of settling for affection when you crave love, clinging to relationships you know are hollow, and the anxiety of wondering if you are living your life the “right” way. In this article, we explore the meaning of this song, breaking down its metaphors and emotions.
A Cry for Help: “Break Me, Regret All My Decisions”
The song kicks off with an immediate sense of desperation and turmoil. The opening line, “Break me, regret all my decisions,” is not a wish for gentle change but a raw plea for a complete shattering of the current reality. The narrator is so stuck in a destructive pattern that they feel the only way out is for something to forcibly break them out of it. It’s a cry for an end to the cycle, even if it’s a painful one. They want to be able to look back and regret their choices, which implies they are currently too deep inside the chaos to have any clear perspective.
This feeling of being trapped is reinforced by the lines, “Listen, this is far from being alright / Show me, the other side of living.” The narrator has a stark awareness that their situation is unhealthy. They are yearning for an alternative, a glimpse of a life that isn’t defined by this struggle. The phrase “Giving everything to never come down” points to a lifestyle of escapism. Whether through partying, substances, or emotional highs, the narrator is exhausting themselves to avoid crashing back down to the painful reality of their situation.
The Pain of Settling: “Wanted Your Love But You Like Me”
The pre-chorus delivers the song’s most poignant and relatable emotional gut-punch. The line “Wanted your love but you like me / Fuck, that’s good enough” is a devastatingly honest admission of settling for less than what you truly desire and deserve. The narrator craves the depth and commitment of “love,” but is only offered the more casual, less intense feeling of being “liked.” In a moment of raw resignation, they accept this lesser affection as “good enough,” a compromise that speaks volumes about their low self-worth and desperation for connection.
This emotional compromise is mirrored by a sense of total depletion. The lyrics “Ran out of coffee, smokes and compliments” and later, “Ran out of coffee, milk and confidence,” use everyday essentials to symbolize a deeper exhaustion. Coffee and smokes are vices one uses to get through the day, while compliments and confidence are crucial for one’s self-esteem. The narrator has run out of everything—the stimulants, the emotional validation, and their own self-belief. This relationship and the lifestyle surrounding it have drained them completely, leaving them running on empty.
A Beautiful Mistake: “This Accident Seems So Right”
The chorus captures the central paradox of the song’s relationship. When the narrator sings, “This accident seems so right,” they are describing a connection that was likely unplanned, messy, and possibly ill-advised, yet feels compelling and intoxicating in the moment. It’s the kind of relationship that defies logic but satisfies a deep emotional need, however unhealthy. This feeling is disorienting, leading to the admission, “Thought I had myself figured out.” The intensity of this “accident” has completely upended their sense of identity and self-understanding.
The line that gives the song its title, “We’re holding on to fake friends,” is brilliantly ambiguous. On one level, it could refer to a superficial social circle that enables the couple’s dysfunctional behavior. On a deeper level, it could imply that the two people in the relationship are “fake friends” to each other, pretending everything is fine while ignoring the deep-seated issues between them. It might even suggest that the narrator is being a fake friend to themselves by ignoring their own needs and settling for a situation they know is wrong.
The Vanns on Raw Emotion and Their Debut Album
“Fake Friends” is a standout track from The Vanns’ 2019 debut album, Through The Walls. For the Wollongong-based indie rock outfit, the album was the culmination of years of relentless touring and honing their craft. It delivered on their reputation for high-energy, anthemic rock while showcasing a newfound lyrical vulnerability and maturity. The album explores themes of introspection, turbulent relationships, and navigating the anxieties of young adulthood, with “Fake Friends” serving as a perfect example of this emotional honesty.
In interviews around the album’s release, the band members have often spoken about writing from a personal and unfiltered place. Frontman and songwriter Jimmy Vann has described the process as a way of making sense of his own experiences. This commitment to authenticity is what makes “Fake Friends” resonate so strongly. The song isn’t a detached observation; it feels lived-in. The raw energy of the music, combined with the candid, almost confessional nature of the lyrics, creates an experience that is both cathartic and deeply relatable for anyone who has ever found themselves in a beautifully messy situation.
Unpacking the Chaos: The Song’s Metaphors
“Fake Friends” uses vivid, straightforward metaphors to convey a state of emotional turmoil and existential dread. These images are less about poetic abstraction and more about raw, gut-level feelings.
- Fake Friends: This is the song’s central, multi-layered metaphor. It can refer to:
- A superficial social scene where connections are hollow and based on partying rather than genuine support.
- The two people in the central relationship, who may be acting more like friends than lovers, or whose entire connection is built on a false premise.
- A state of being a “fake friend” to oneself, where one’s actions betray one’s true needs and desires for the sake of temporary comfort.
- Running Out of Essentials (Coffee, Milk, Confidence): This is a powerful metaphor for complete emotional, physical, and psychological depletion. By listing everyday necessities alongside abstract concepts like “confidence” and “compliments,” the song shows how the relationship has drained the narrator of everything required to function, from the mundane to the essential.
- The “Accident”: Calling the relationship an “accident” is a metaphor for its unplanned and chaotic nature. It suggests a lack of control and a sense of being swept up in something that is reckless and potentially dangerous, yet feels thrillingly “right” in the moment.
- Religion: The mention of “religion” in the chorus is likely not about organized faith. Instead, it’s used metaphorically to represent any powerful, dogmatic system of belief—whether it’s societal pressure, family expectations, or a personal moral code. This “religion” is what forces the narrator into a moment of introspection, making them question the validity of their life choices.
The Unchanging Coda: “Don’t Try to Change Me”
The bridge of the song shifts into a defiant, repetitive mantra: “Don’t try to change me / ‘Cause you know I’ll be there / When you cry in shame.” This is a deeply complex and revealing statement. On the surface, it’s a declaration of self-acceptance, a refusal to be molded by the other person. The narrator is asserting their identity, flaws and all.
However, this defiance is immediately followed by a promise of codependent support. He says he will always be there to comfort the other person in their moments of “shame.” This creates a toxic, unbreakable loop. He refuses to change his own problematic behavior, while simultaneously enabling the other person’s by being their perpetual safety net. They are both stuck. Neither can grow because they are so enmeshed in a cycle of dysfunction. The bridge is not a statement of strength, but a description of the chains that bind them together.
The Lingering Question: “Are You Doing It Right?”
The song ends not with a resolution, but with a haunting, unanswered question. The line “Yeah, religion’s got me thinking, are you doing it right?” hangs in the air, full of existential anxiety. The external pressures and internal doubts have forced the narrator to step back and evaluate their entire existence. They are questioning everything: their relationship, their friendships, their choices, and their entire way of life.
The question is directed both inward and outward. Is the narrator “doing it right”? Is the person they’re with “doing it right”? The song offers no answers, perfectly capturing the unsettling feeling of being young, lost, and uncertain. It acknowledges that sometimes, the most honest emotional state is not having a clear path forward, but simply being aware that you are caught in a beautiful, destructive accident and wondering if there’s a better way to live.
Frequently Asked Questions (FAQs)
Here are answers to 20 common questions about the lyrics of “Fake Friends.”
1. What does the opening line “Break me” imply?
- It implies a desire for a drastic, forceful end to a destructive cycle. The narrator feels so stuck that they believe only being “broken” out of their situation can lead to change.
2. What is “the other side of living” that the narrator wants to see?
- It represents a life free from the chaos, dysfunction, and emotional turmoil they are currently experiencing—a life that feels “alright.”
3. What does “Giving everything to never come down” mean?
- It describes an escapist lifestyle, where the narrator is exhausting all their energy to maintain a constant high (whether emotional or substance-induced) to avoid facing a painful reality.
4. What is the meaning of “Wanted your love but you like me / Fuck, that’s good enough”?
- This is a heartbreaking admission of settling for less than you deserve in a relationship. The narrator accepts casual affection (“like”) because they feel they cannot have or are not worthy of genuine “love.”
5. What does running out of “coffee, smokes and compliments” symbolize?
- It symbolizes a state of complete mental, physical, and emotional depletion. The narrator has exhausted all their coping mechanisms and sources of validation.
6. What does the line “Do you see what I see? / What I left inside?” mean?
- It’s a plea for the other person to recognize the emotional damage and emptiness the relationship has caused, the parts of himself the narrator feels he has lost.
7. What “accident” is the chorus referring to?
- The “accident” is the relationship itself. It was likely unplanned, chaotic, and messy, but it feels compellingly “right” to the narrator in the moment.
8. What does the song mean by “fake friends”?
- It can refer to a superficial social circle, the two people in the relationship being dishonest with each other, or the narrator being a “fake friend” to themselves by ignoring their true needs.
9. What “religion” is making the narrator think?
- “Religion” is likely used as a metaphor for any rigid belief system—societal norms, personal morals, or outside pressures—that forces the narrator to question their life choices.
10. What is the significance of the question “Are you doing it right?”
- It is the song’s central existential question, capturing the narrator’s deep-seated anxiety and doubt about whether their chaotic lifestyle is the correct way to live.
11. What is the mood of the second verse’s opening line, “Slow down, this temperamental living”?
- It’s a moment of self-awareness, a recognition that the fast-paced, emotionally volatile lifestyle they are living is unsustainable.
12. Who is “fearless but so lonely inside”?
- This likely describes the other person in the relationship, who projects an image of strength and fearlessness but is deeply lonely beneath the surface.
13. What is the “bittersweet conviction”?
- It’s the conflicting feeling of being committed to a relationship that brings both pleasure (“sweet”) and pain (“bitter”).
14. What does the bridge, “Don’t try to change me,” reveal about the narrator?
- It reveals his defiant desire to remain who he is, flaws and all, even while acknowledging the dysfunction of his situation.
15. How is the bridge also about codependency?
- By promising to “be there when you cry in shame,” the narrator shows he is an enabler, locking them both in a toxic cycle where neither has to change because they always have each other to fall back on.
16. Does the song have a hopeful ending?
- No, the ending is ambiguous and anxious. It resolves with an unanswered question, leaving the narrator and the listener in a state of uncertainty.
17. What album is “Fake Friends” on?
- It is the final track on The Vanns’ 2019 debut studio album, Through The Walls.
18. What kind of sound does the song have?
- The song features an energetic, anthemic indie rock sound with powerful guitar riffs and a driving rhythm that reflects the emotional chaos of the lyrics.
19. Is the song about a specific person?
- While likely inspired by personal experiences, the lyrics are universal enough to apply to any dysfunctional relationship where feelings of love, doubt, and codependency are intertwined.
20. What is the overall theme of “Fake Friends”?
- The overall theme is the internal and external conflict of being in a relationship that feels both good and bad, and the struggle to find your identity and live authentically amidst social pressure and self-doubt.